"Dear Alcohol, I’m Breaking Up With You"

Dear Alcohol,

I have some difficult news. Deep breaths. Here it is:

I’m breaking up with you.

We’ve had plenty of good times together — believe me. You were there for me in my 20s when I wanted you. You helped me through all those (let’s be honest, completely asinine) college parties and the awkward holiday ritual of visiting thirty relatives in two days. You were there for me when the only weed I could have gotten my hands on was shoddy, or when I would have had to make “friends” with a dude in a Baja hoodie in order to get good stuff. It’s true that you and I seemed like a good couple in those times.

Back in the day, I enjoyed my time with you while writing or doing creative work. I used to think you helped me express myself better in conversations, and that you suppressed my internal

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